3 ways to sustain drive for your goals (even or especially if you're tired of being a "go-getter")
Nurturing our wellbeing and growth in our everyday choices doesn't have to be as hard or as tiring when we keep these things in mind.
Note: If you’re looking for support in reflecting on, setting up, and following through on your wellbeing goals this year, check out my Likha Ginhawa: Sadya workshop on February 3. 2024. Learn more and sign up here.
We’re approaching the end of January now (oh god), and perhaps some of the goals and plans we had this year feel like they’re already slipping away. Perhaps you’re like me, and already negotiating with myself to set some of those goals and plans for later in the year or 2025 instead.
And what I’m saying to myself is: That’s okay. Yup, that’s okay.
It just means it’s time for me (or us, if you have tita energy like me) to reassess and recalibrate.
In the time between Christmas and New Year, we might make all these crazy plans for ourselves and our wellbeing, and when the reality of the year restarts, we realize that we may have overestimated the time, space and energy we had for all those plans (if you are part of the normal distribution of the population).
So what’s a helpful way I’ve found to review, as early as now?
Define what matters in your journey
Underestimate yourself (!?)
Support intention with systems for action
Let’s go through them one by one.
#1 Define what matters in your journey
I’m sometimes guilty of thinking up details and plans in haste with a masculine do energy (thinking of the activities, or the what’s), and forgetting to lead with a more feminine be energy (thinking of the intentions, or the why’s). Or sometimes I’d see someone do something cool, and it can easily become one of my to-do’s too.
Taking stock of our own life experiences and aspirations helps clarify what matters to us, and why.1 It helps take us out of making plans for the sake of doing stuff or achieving stuff.
Defining what matters in our journey helps us play the game of life of our own choosing.
I don’t want to reach the end of my life wondering why I was trying so hard to win someone else’s game. Or why I was trying so hard to “win” at all. I’d like to simply play, have fun, without fouling other people.
It’s important to remind ourselves what we’re in the game for.
Meaning-making was something I’d written about previously, and something that’s really important to me in staying grounded, but also moving intentionally in the direction I want. It is how we “construe, understand, or make sense of life events, relationships, and the self”.2
So before planning, or even if you’ve already made plans — it’s helpful to step back to reassess:
How do I define a “good life” from my past experiences? How do I define a “good life” for myself this year?
What really matters to me? Which plans meaningfully contribute to that (in my own terms)?3
#2 Underestimate yourself
A controversial one, this could be. I’m sure this section title sounds like something from the Unmotivational Speaker by @lottiebie 😅 But hands up if you've ever planned to start a new wellbeing routine, only to find yourself overwhelmed and falling short of your expectations! 🙌
Note to self: Don’t hate on yourself. That could be the planning fallacy at play.
What is the planning fallacy?
It was first proposed in a 1977 paper, Kahneman (of Thinking Fast & Slow fame) and Tversky, who argued that when we make predictions about the future (i.e. goals or plans), people tend to rely largely on intuitive, often inaccurate judgments.
They said: “Scientists and writers are notoriously prone to underestimate the time required to complete a project, even when they have considerable experience of past failures to live up to planned schedules”.4
Oops. 😅 As a writer and scientist-wannabe, it feels like I’m doomed to fall prey to this way too often. LOL.
I’ve usually planned to finish pieces of writing in one morning, only to find that I’m woefully mistaken, and it takes me at least 2-4x as long to finish certain things than I think — and that 2-4x estimate is probably generous as well. (This is also why I’m publishing this post a couple of days later than intended.)
So while it can often feel like we have very little time (and energy) to make better choices, I believe that the real key here is to underestimate one’s self. 😊
This is intended neither as an exercise in self-pity nor an exercise in creative excuse-finding not to start. If you’ve had a history of underestimating yourself and therefore not really moving forward at all, then maybe you need a different strategy.
I mean this more as an exercise in self-compassion. And that’s a critical difference.
In the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that when I put too much pressure on my goals, and make it a burdensome thing on my to-do list, it takes the joy and pleasure out of something that should be life-giving for me.
So it helps to make plans that provide enough challenge and growth, while remaining realistic enough about the limits of our time and energy, and compassionate enough to our mental and emotional wellbeing as we’re pursuing our goals. What might that look like for you?
#3 Support intention through action
A bit of nerdy sharing here. Earlier research on human behavior suggested that attitudes shape intentions, which subsequently shape actions or behavior.5 However, researchers also found that intentions are not always strong predictors of behavior.6
This discrepancy between attitude / intention and behavior resulted in what is now known as the Value-Action Gap or Intention-Action Gap.7
What is the Value-Action Gap?
It is the space that occurs when the values (personal and cultural) or attitudes of an individual do not correlate to their actions. More generally, it is the difference between what people say and what people do.8
This is where having process goals (as opposed to just outcome goals) as a commitment tool can help bridge that value-action gap.
What is the difference between process and outcome goals?
Outcome goals = Where you want to go
Success defined by an outcome
Focuses on a future state
Relies on factors often outside of your control
Process goals = How you will get there
Success defined by action and progress
Focuses on what you can do right now
Relies on factors in your control
I’m continuing with the metaphor of life as a game we play in. So my parents have been watching a lot of Australian Open lately, and I randomly wondered (and this is a very specific hypothetical scenario):
Say two players are in a tiebreaker in the third set of a highly competitive (and tiring) match so far. One player has not yet won any of the prior sets, which means they’d have to play all five sets — two more sets, assuming they actually win this tiebreaker — and then beat their opponent successfully in the two succeeding sets.
So for the non-aficionados of tennis, like me, I still get confused between game, set and match, up until I had to verify the definitions for this post, so it’s:
Game = Four points win a game
Set = Six games win a set
Match = Two or three sets win a match. Most matches are played as best-of-three or five sets.
So anyway, I wonder, in the mind of an athlete with greater tibay ng loob9 who is down two sets and at the tiebreaker…in their minds in those moments, are they playing to win the match? Or are they just taking it point by point?
I’ll leave you to make your own speculations. But I think it is more likely that they just take it point by point at that point. To give themselves to the present moment, the current process unfolding, and not the future outcome that has yet to be known.
I noticed that when I was less fixated on the “endgame”, I felt less paralyzed to play.
And I trust that my smaller attempts at creative expression will ultimately contribute to the pagbubuo of something eventually. So these articles, or paintings or poems I’d make for no pressing reason, they’re all part of my compost heap, nourishing seeds I’m planting, adding to my feeling of self-efficacy: I can do things!
I can make mistakes, play around; no one’s judging me here except myself.
I mean, I don’t know, maybe you are too, but ultimately, it doesn’t matter (unless of course I’m doing something morally unconscionable, in which case, you should call me out).
We reinforce our behavior when we have increased self-efficacy, or belief in our ability to achieve or do something. Even acknowledging the fact that we “showed up” for ourselves, pausing to celebrate your big (outcome) and small (process) wins, or even reflecting on where we could improve on our “failures”, can help boost that.
Furthermore, having an accountability partner or group (or coach!)10 can be powerful due to our desire to be in integrity with what we say to others. It’s also nice to be able to celebrate our wins with others, and have people who build our confidence in our abilities and effort, even when we falter or make mistakes.11
What are process goals that can help you mark (and celebrate) your progress towards your outcome goals?
Who is/are your safe and brave space for sharing successes and challenges?
What would help you celebrate success in your process goals? | What would help you process “failure” in a way that serves your future attempts?
Woo! That was a lot. Let’s just take a moment here.
In Tagalog, the equivalent of wellbeing is ginhawa or “to breathe”.
And in the flurry of everyday life, making space for our wellbeing shouldn’t be a luxury. It's a right; a necessity for us to live well. Wellbeing, and our local conceptions and definitions of it, is really what I hope to continue exploring more in the coming year.
So I hope that’s something you keep in mind too, as you work towards your goals. I think when we make space for that, we show up kinder to ourselves and to others, and wouldn’t that make for a better, more maginhawa world all around?
Thanks for being part of my explorations in Pagbubuo, and I look forward finding more ease, even as I brave into the discomfort of the unknown and uncertain this year with you.
Pahuway ta,
Jen
P.S. If you’re not subscribed to Pagbubuo yet, I’d love it if you stayed connected to follow and support my work. :)
P.P.S. If you found this post helpful or enjoyable, maybe someone you know might appreciate it too. Sharing is caring!
I researched and wrote about the role of critical life experience and reflecting on them in sparking and sustaining the motivation of sustainability leaders in the Philippines in my Masters dissertation. Read a shorter and less academic version here:
I write more about meaning-making along with my own personal piecing together of my life in this post:
You can also check out this post - Magsimula sa Sadya: Starting the year with Intention via Pahayagan ng Ugnayan.
Kahneman, D. & Tversky, A. (1977). “Intuitive prediction: Biases and corrective procedures” (PDF). Decision Research Technical Report PTR-1042-77-6. In Kahneman, D., Slovic, P., Tversky, A. (eds.) (1982) Judgment Under Uncertainty: Heuristics and Biases. Science. 185. pp. 414–421.
I also write a bit about planning fallacy in this post:
Ajzen, I. (1985). From intentions to actions: A theory of planned behavior. In J. Kuhl & J. Beckmann (Eds.), Action-control: From cognition to behavior (pp. 1 l-39). Heidelberg: Springer.
Banerjee, A., & Solomon B. (2003). Eco-labelling for energy efficiency and sustainability: A meta-evaluation of US programs. Energy Policy, 31(2), 109–123. | Flynn, R., Bellaby, P., Ricci, M. (2009). The ‘value-action gap’ in public attitudes toward sustainable energy: The case of hydrogen energy. The Sociological Review, 57(2), 159-180.
It’s been often used in the study of pro-environmental behavior, but it can apply to pro-wellbeing behaviors too.
Blake, J. (1999). "Overcoming the 'value-action gap' in environmental policy: Tensions between national policy and local experience". Local Environment. 4 (3): 257–278. doi:10.1080/13549839908725599
If you’re looking for a coach or support group for your wellbeing goals this year, you may want to check out the Likha Ginhawa: Sadya workshop this coming February 3.
![[Likha Ginhawa: Sadya] A Pagbubuo x Ugnayan wellbeing workshop on February 3](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd6754da0-eec8-47f1-b83c-56f4848c7fe9_1080x1080.png)